Wannabe

I just saw a friend at the library that I haven't seen in about a month! Sure I lost an hour studying, but it was good to talk.

I feel as if I am in a transitional phase of my life, I guess I don't even feel, I know. A lot of things are about to change, graduation is coming and that means people are moving on. It happens, and while people are going out and braving a brand new world, I stay for a while longer.

Even with me being physically stagnant, there are a lot of other things I need to move on from, somethings I need to go back to.

I have done a lot of exploring this school year, trying to figure out what exactly it is I want out of life, what actually makes me happy. This has led me to meet amazing new friends, who I love dearly, and have helped me think of life in a new light.

It is interesting, the path that lives take. A lot of things have happened recently that made me ask myself hard questions, I'm not done answering them, but my efforts in trying to have made me realize something.

I hate it when people tell me what I am going to become, when they assume they know exactly the route my life is going to take.

Thank goodness for my pride, because of my presumptuous friend, it made me realize what I knew deep down all along. I know what makes me happy. Because of my presumptuous friend I realized that I had been acting, trying to mold myself into what I thought a person would like. I believed that in order to get what I wanted, I had to change. I wasn't changing for myself, I was changing for others.

Different people bring out different parts of ourselves. We like ourselves better when we are around certain people. We can be quiet with one friend, and crazy wild with another. People have huge impacts on each other. I love my friends, and I love myself. Though I am in a very real way being phased out of peoples lives, and it hurts. I can't honestly tell myself that it doesn't. I am grateful for the opportunity to start new again, to meet new people, who help me discover something new about myself, who help me be better.

And I do want to be better.